Outside
About the fact that today is today, and that’s all.
JASMININE is not a savior. It is your inner rhythm beating.
Reading suggestion: after a walk.
Everyone around me is working. I am not. Everyone wants to know what I will do. Everyone wants to know what my plans are. How long I will stay here? Well, let me tell you about today.
I get up and delete the Friday night newsletter I wrote yesterday. That is a big event – yesterday the letter seemed so important, so urgent, but today… Today I want to go outside. Already in my room I feel that outside it is no longer as cold as yesterday, or the day before. Today is today.
If only I could carve that into my brain. That today is today. That today is not yesterday or tomorrow or some unknown time. Today.
I cannot get myself ready. I am slow. I stand for a long time under hot water in the shower. I get the urge to use up all the warm water in the boiler. I conclude that I am still a maximalist. Hooray! It seems impossible to rid myself of all my quirks.
After the shower I wrap myself in a white towel. Snow should be that white, but there is no snow, even though I am in the north, where I grew up.
There is no sun either, though here the sun has always shone more inside than outside.
Lunchtime approaches. My husband Valters has taken a break from work. It’s time to think about food. He says he will accompany me outside to the nearby bar. I tell him to go without me and already stand by the window to wave at him, but it turns out he hasn’t gone anywhere.
It’s not easy to get out of the house when you have to dress in coats, hats, boots, plus the ever‑present wallet and phone — it can drive you crazy.
Finally we go outside together. The bar is just across the road. I walk terribly slowly. After all, I don’t work, I can afford it. Valters imitates me and lifts his legs even slower than I do. Ha, ha – it’s genuinely hilarious. How else could I see myself from the outside?
We are at the bar. I like it here. At lunchtime a crowd of people gathers.
I recognize some – mostly my childhood schoolmates, now grown, serious men in work overalls. I’m wearing a checkered flannel shirt – I feel I fit in, and for a moment I feel like a serious babe.
I even forget that I don’t have a job. The bar is dark, we eat, and then we leave.
I am alone and head into the forest. I want to connect, so I call my godmother. She reminds me that in a few days it’s my birthday, which I had forgotten. We laugh, and I keep laughing even after the call ends. I walk through the forest laughing.
Some people come toward me. They greet me, and it is beautiful. Humanity has not yet gone extinct.
Further in the forest there is silence. The feeling of spring grows stronger. In the moss there are many bright green colors, symbols of joy.
I turn toward the city, pass by the library, which has moved out of its old premises, and to me that is a sign that I too am no longer in my old role. Hallelujah. Just a few winters ago I sat by the stove in the old library leafing through magazines, but now that is truly no longer relevant.
I stop by a café. The waitress is kind and invites me to come again.
On the way back home I stop by the lake. I sit on a bench. The reflection of trees on the water’s surface reminds me of the ever-present mirror effect. We shine in each other, in everything. Slowly raindrops begin to fall from the sky and land on my winter jacket.
Even the rain feels warm.
Near the turn toward home I bump into a classmate I had wanted to meet. We haven’t seen each other in years, but we talk for an hour.
Streetlights come on along the road. The nearby forests sink into darkness.
Valters’ workday is over, but mine begins.
I borrow his computer and write with white letters on a black screen. Do I look like a professional programmer?
Wait, what was it about today’s plans? The idea was to go outside.
I remember that my brother, even as a boy, was more resourceful than adults. When mom once again wanted to know where he was going, he confidently answered: “Outside!”
The real answers and people are right here, under our noses – another forgotten truth.
Merry Christmas!
I am sincerely grateful for your presence in JASMININE’s daily cosmic atmosphere.
🌿 Small practice after reading
Task:
Remember one specific detail from the text that stayed with you
(for example: the white towel, the mirror effect of the lake, the streetlights).
Write down:
One sentence about how this detail resonates with your own today.
Share it. It’s worth it.
With lanterns cracking in the north,
JASMININE
Photo found on Pexels, shaped by my hand.
Thank you for your support — it keeps the rhythm alive.